The Star Wars Cooking Program! Galaxy Chef!
by SuicidalHamster
Summary: This is basicly a cooking program from a galaxy far far away, it serves 'special' meals with ingredients from the starwars universe, so sit back, or rather stand in the kitchen, and enjoy! NOTE: Every episode there's a guest chef :)
1. Episode 1 - Bantha Poodooh

"A-today we shalla be cooking zeh bantha poodoo goormeh, awid mya fellow chef! J'arj'ar Binks de gungan, he vas a general youknow?" The main chef said happily, as he was taking out a mini-oven and two digital gloves.   
"Hello people, mesa waiting to make yousa dinner!" Jarjar fell down, and got up.   
  
"Olrighte! Firsta we will take zeh bantha poodoo!" The chef puts on gloves and grabs a peice of brown gooey stuff.   
"Now, we shalla put it in zeh bowl" He clicks a button and a bowl rises out of the table, he drops the poodoo inside the bowl.   
"Now j'arj'ar, stira zeh poodoo"   
Jarjar takes a floating roller he finds and starts stirring "Nono! j'arj'ar! not ama roller! usa zeh Sapoon!" the chef shouts.   
Jarjar takes out the roller and throws it behind him, bits and peices of poodoo fly on the audience.   
  
"Oppsie! mesa dida doodoo!" Jarjar tells himself, rather loudly. Then starts stirring the brown thing.   
The chef is explaining about the spices that they are going to use.   
"Okeh now, wera gonna use thisa spices! First, wera gonna use zeh dagobah dirt."   
He pours dirt into the poodoo jarjar has finished mixing.   
"Second, we usa de ewok hair! J'arj'ar get ze ewok hair"   
Jarjar walks to a wall and presses and button, then another, then another, then he starts pressing buttons franticly, thus getting himself filled with ewok hairs. He then brings then and puts them in the bowl.   
"Nowa wera gonna use Soma blue milk!" He pours blue milk into the bowl "Now zeh final step in making zeh poodoo goormeh! put it in zeh oven for a-twenty fiveh minutes!" Jarjar takes the bowl, shows it to the audience and puts it in the oven.   
  
A voice then says: "We're going to see, taste, and hear about the poodoo gourmeh, when we return! GalaxyChef!"   
  
Commercials:   
  
Do you want sith on your tail? do you want emperors pushing you around?! if not, you can loose those pesky dark lords, by using "Anti-Sith spray", 'You WILL give us spray!'.   
  
Nobody wants a sore back, with "Floatingbed" you can get great results! you'll never have a bad back again! and all this for only 599999.9999 republican credits? theres no better deal!   
  
"And now we return to GalaxyChef!"   
  
Ding! "Zeh poodoo is ready! we shalla now see how good it really is!" The chef shouts.   
He takes out the bowl and puts it into a cup.   
"J'arj'ar will nowa testeh de goormeh!"   
Jarjar takes the cup and drinks "Itsa very good poodoo!" jarjar says as he keeps drinking.   
"Yousee? now you canna makea zis poodoo every day!"   
  
-Music and the show ends-   
  
Voice: "Next week on GalaxyChef we will be cooking a faboules meal of JabaMeat!"   



	2. Episode 2 - Jabba Meat

***Music*** GalaxyChef. Brought to you by "Tatooine tasty's inc."   
  
"A-welcome my beeeloved odiences! A-today the course willa be zeh J'abbaMeat as promised a-lasta week.  
Today we ahava another acook! Hisa name isa maul. Anda he prefers zeh name darth maul! A-hello darth maul!" ***Claps***  
  
Darth maul looks around and frowns.  
"A-tell us about yourself darth maul" The chef says.  
Maul just looks at him  
"A-nothing? Really you are zeh cook you musta say-a something!"  
Maul looks angry, then begins to say something "At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge." He says tonelessly.  
"Aha yes ok… anyway we ahava the hutt-meat here"  
Darth maul walks around carrying a big piece of green meat.  
"Now-a before we do anything, we-a must, and a-listen carefully, we-a must put it in zeh micro-oven for a-five a-minutes on a-cyber-heat"  
Maul throws it in the oven with the force.  
  
"All a-right now… now-a we shall-a put-a zeh spices in deh bowel!" the chef paused and took out a few boxes "Hera we have zeh 'Tatooine sand' and a-zeh 'Death-Star scraps'. We-a shall-a put em in zeh bowel and mixa dem wida zeh 'Dagobah dirt' and stir wida zeh… where is deh… spoon?" He looks at darth maul.  
Maul looks angrily at him and starts stirring the things with the force.  
"all-a right thata will do!" the chef says happily, "now-a we take out zeh hutt-meat, which happens to belong to Mr. J'abba zeh Hutt."  
He takes out the meat since maul is killing a few people in the audience and a hooded person in the audience with ugly yellow teeth is laughing.  
"Nowa we shall-a put zeh meat in the plate and pour zeh sauce we hava made onto it."  
  
*Voice*: We're Going to see how the magnificent plate looks and tastes, right after the commercials!  
  
**Commercials:**  
  
Are you having trouble with your force sensitive baby? Is he staining his pants with floating poop? Well then have no fear! Because with the "BabyJedi anti-force diapers" the poop will have no special effects! And will be as easy as anything to clean! Only 359.999 republican credits a piece! What a deal!  
  
Luke: "I HATE YOU!!!"  
Vader: "It was for your own good you ungrateful ****"  
Leia: "Whats wrong with you people?!"  
"Jerry Springer in a galaxy far far away video! To sithly for TV!"  
  
[b]"And now we return to GalaxyChef"[/b]  
  
  
"A-welcome back! The meal is-a finished and ready for zeh serving, a-please bring zeh plate out darth maul!"  
The plate floats out slowly. It has a big piece of green meat topped with a mustard color sauce.  
"Now-a doesn't zet look delicious?! Lets-a try it!" The chef takes a light-knife out and cuts it. Then eats a piece. "MMM Delicious! Now you try Darth maul!"  
Maul walks up slowly and takes a piece, eats it, makes a face and faints.  
"It-a must be so good that he fainted! A-see you next time and enjoy your a-J'abbaMeat meal at a-home!"  
  
*Music and the show ends*  
  
*Voice:* Next week on GalaxyChef: We'll be slicin' and dicin' a juicy piece of Jawa-chop. 


	3. Episode 3 - Jawa Chops

*Music* GalaxyChef - Brought to you by "Tatooine tasty's inc." they taste better than bantha poodoo!  
  
"Hello and a-Welcome back to zeh galagzy j'ev!" The long necked chef says.  
"Today a-wera gonna make zeh jawa-chops, and oura guesta chef a-today is… Mr. Vader!!!"  
  
*BOO's from the audience*  
"KSSSH that's darth vader to you" The black masked vacuum cleaner said angrily.   
"A-yesa that's what I a-said…"  
"KSSSH I am your father"  
"…"  
"Sorry KSSSH don't know where that came from…"  
"All a-right, now wera gonna a-start cooking."  
  
*Screen changes to the hover-table with the ingredients*  
"Now, hera we have zeh lucky jawa wera gonna chop." The sick chef said.  
"And our other ingredients, we ahava zeh Watto-Junk, zeh cybernetic hand, half a cup of-a midi-chlorians, and a small planet!" The chef continued  
"KSSSH"  
"Yesa thatsa what I mean!"  
"Now, wera gonna start zeh cooking."  
"KSSSH You look like one of the jedi's I killed…"  
"…"  
  
Voice: "We're going to see how to cut and cook this delicious looking Jawa right after the commercials!"  
  
**Commercials**  
  
Is turning a strong force-user annoying you? Taking up to much time? Wasting your lightning powers? Well, we have the perfect solution to your problem! Instant-Empire! With "Instant-Empire" You can rule the galaxy in three easy steps! Open, Push and pull! Only 10 republican credits because you're the future emperor! Comes with a free right-hand with a black tiki on his head.  
  
So know one told you darth was gonna be this way… Watch the new season of D.A.R.T.H.S!!! With knew fun from Ani, Ami, Luke, Leia, Obi and Palp!  
  
**And now we return to… GalaxyChef**  
  
"KSSSH where those two commercials about me?! And whose leia?"  
"Uhhh, no, leta cut zeh jawa now, do you a-mind a-mr. vader?"  
Vader takes out his light saber and cuts the jawa's leg "AAAAIIEEEEEEE" the jawa screams "KSSSH I've never liked jawas."  
"And a-nowa wera gonna put it in zeh micro-oven for a 57 minutes, 23 seconds and 3 mili-seconds!"  
Darth Vader stared at him.  
"a-what? You hava zeh force and I hava zeh good timing for zeh cooking!"  
Vader shrugs.  
  
*Scene Switch to 57 minutes, 23 seconds and 3 mili-seconds later*  
  
*Ding*  
"Ahh, its-a finished!" The chef says and walks over to the over nearly banging his head on the ceiling which is 2 meters above.  
He takes the jawa-chop out of the oven.  
"Wera gonna top it with zeh midi-chlorians" He pours… nothing out of the cup.   
"Nowa we're gonna sprinkle zeh watto-junk on top" He sprinkles some grey scraps of metal out of a bottle.  
*A message appears at the bottom of the screen: Watto-Junk donated by a group of jedi, a queen, and former guest-chef jarjar binks, who happened to pass by*  
  
"Now-a mr. A-Darth a-vader, please put zeh cybernetic hand in zeh second plate"  
"KSSSH"  
"Yes."  
Vader floats the hand into a… rather large, plate.  
"Now-a zeh small planet." The chef says.  
A black man comes in from the side dressed in a black suit and sunglasses, He hands the chef something from his pocket and says "A galaxy doesn't have to be big, it can be as small as a marble" And walked out.  
"All a-righta, I a-saida I needed an eartha not a-galaxy but-a zis vill do!"  
He put the… marble… planet in the cybernetic hand and it grabbed it.  
"Yesa I cannot a-wait to tasta this!"  
  
*Voice: We'll… aww heck we're just gonna taste it afterwards and put a stupid remark so you can just turn of your holonet after the commercials!*  
  
Are you tired of that loose fat on your arms and legs? Well have no fear the Jedi-Muscle-Machine is here. Its as small as a midi-chlorian and as healthy as some blue milk on a hot day! Generated by the force, and wont cause you any electric shocks like those pesky NORMAL muscle-machine. And for only 72,000 republican credits? What a deal! For more information call your nearest planet.  
  
*Voice: We're back with… GalaxyChef! You stayed? Suckers…*  
  
"A-welcome back, wera gonna taste it and a-tella you if itsa good!"  
*Voice: toldjah!*  
"A-what was-a that?!"  
"KSSSH the guy who says hello and goodbye and gets minimum wage"  
*Voice: Shaddap*  
"Anyway nowa wera gonna taste it."  
  
The Chef takes a piece of the chop and eats it "Mmmm this is-a great! Why-a don't you try it a-darth?"  
"KSSSH" Vader walks up slowly and takes a piece, puts it in a compartment and says "KSSSH Wow… this really tastes good!"  
"Yesa, now-a ill a-leta you taste zeh desert a-first!"  
Vader walks up to the desert sure that it will be very good seeing how great the chop was.  
He took a piece of the cybernetic hand, put it in his compartment, and electrocuted himself. He fell down with a big bump.  
"Ahh he loved it! Enjoy youra meal!"  
  
*Music and the show ends*  
*Voice: Toldjah…* 


	4. Episode 4 - LightSaber Cookies

*Music* GalaxyChef - Brought to you by "Tatooine tasty's inc." they taste better than bantha poodoo!  
  
"Welcome a-back to zeh galagzyj'ev! Today wera gonna hava our a-lightsaber cookies!" The Yarael-Poof look-a-like said, "Today oura guest chef is jaba the hutt!"  
  
*Voice: Urhm that's impossible since we already used his meat, and he's dead…*  
  
"Oh… then I a-guessa zet our new companion can a-be… Mr Frodo Baggins!"  
  
*Voice: He lived a long time in a future in a middle-earth far far away*  
  
"Oh… then a-who? Oooooh, I a-knowa! Yoda's a-Ghost!"  
  
*Voice: To short…*  
  
"A-but he hasa zeh force!"  
  
*Voice: oh… yeah ok then*  
  
"Yoooda a-come please to a-make zeh beautiful a-lightsaber cookies!"  
  
Yoda's ghost appears next to him.  
  
"Only if get some I will" the short jedi master said in his usual tweaked basic.  
  
"And a-you will, but a-first we-a must make zeh cookies"  
  
"Ok that is"  
  
"So a-letsa start, a-first the…"  
  
*Voice: Argh, went for commercials to early, ah never mind, After the commercials we'll make the… thingy, with the short green guy…*  
  
Whose short, green, speaks funny, is dead, and is very powerful in the force? That's right! Its yoda! And you can ask him everything in the knew show on holo-ABC, 'Ask Yoda's Ghost'! never before could you know everything! Just 10 credits a call! ONLY ON HOLO-ABC!  
  
*Voice: Umm, back to uhhh, GalaxyChef… But we kinda forgot to tell them that there were commercials 'snicker' so… yeah the meal is going to be finished any second…*  
  
*Ding*  
  
"Zeh Cookies are a-finished, a-lets taste them now!"  
  
Yoda and… whats his name anyway?! Ok lets just call him 'Chef'…  
  
So yoda and… Chef, took the lightsaber cookies and started eating.  
  
"Mmm good they are" Yoda said with a full mouth.  
  
"Yes zey are a-really very good!"  
  
*Voice: How can a ghost eat anyway?!*  
  
"…"  
  
*Voice: Force, am I the only sane person around here?!*  
  
*Music and the show ends* 


End file.
